The remake of Stephen King’s It came out this weekend, and despite it breaking box office records for a horror movie, a lot of reviews critiqued the film for not being scary enough.
We’ve compiled a list of things the It clown should’ve transformed into in order to make the film really be frightening.
Get your night lights ready.
I mean, it’s pretty obvious that if the It clown turned into dinosaurs, we would all be more afraid.
There is so much of the universe that is as yet unexplored, and yet Stephen Hawking predicts that humans will be living on another planet within the next thousand years. Imagine Pennywise embodying the concept of our primarily undiscovered understanding of a never-ending outer space. Terrified yet?
The number of cyclists hit by cars per year would be a truly shocking thing for the clown from It to transform into, especially since 20% of the movie was kids on bikes. For example, in 2015, 5,376 people were killed in crashes, which amounts to 15 people per year. If the clown transformed into a FiveThirtyEight style graph of that statistic, everyone would be scared, and not just people who are scared of graphs. Are you wondering how you’re going to sleep tonight? Us too.
There’s nothing more eerily mysterious than tall grass. What could be in there? A snake? A mountain lion? A snake being eaten by mountain lions like a spaghetti noodle and you’re to be their delicious meat sauce? Put a red balloon in the equation and I’m sleeping in my roommate’s bed for the next week.
Fuck, the statistic on how many pedestrians get hit by cars per year is even more horrifying. Imagine Pennywise riding a bar graph of those numbers like an evil slide then devouring you at the end.
And I would scream and run out of the theater before I saw the end of it if the clown from It transformed into that God damn scary alien from E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial.
Hopefully the sequel will include some of these ideas to make the It franchise unquestionably terrifying.
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